Alphabet Soup Of Me

I loaned an explosion from my brothers
On the rudimentery level I was able to speak on
Only I imagined I would save it for when
I can no loner grasp the latent content
Of life to inhale the specks of happiness
I swallowed the waters of storms in hopes
That it would detonate in my throat
Before life had a chance to fracture in
My very hands, like a shard of glass
Stomped so minute you couldn’t imagine
It getting any more microscopic
I never imagined the rhythm of life
Would force me to push the button so early

So Funny, You and I

My mother’s comb dragged through
My dead skin like a plow
Pushing the white snow farther
And farther away from the homes
Where the problems and sadness
Lay over the school breaks
At first it was his eyes that
Enraptured my soul and then
It was being swallowed into the
Epicenter of the vortex
I was spiraling out of control
Before I could recall the
Drawer where I kept my
Hairbands, I was swept up
While fluid flood my lungs
Pressing onto my rib cages
Until one day they cracked
With the sound I often
Heard when skin met skin
A glitter that only few
Could catch with their gaze

Hey There Ana

I always thought the craving
To crawl inside my bones in order
To make myself whole again would
Be buried like the carcass of disease
In the sterile doctor’s office

Only when someone mentions the
Dreaded words; the danger zone
I find myself being replicated
In another dimension as plumper

I discover a bottle of remanants
Surfacing from a place I
Thought I had left forever
With no hope of returing to

Bugs crawl under my skin
And my lip quivers as I
Peer at myself in the mirror
With the intent of breathing

For another hundred years
I thought I wanted to live
Forever out of fear of death
Only I fear slowly destroying myself
More

Heart Disease Is Me

My heart is beginning to look
Like a minefield for explosions
And random pieces of
Veins moving across the
Vast terrain of my body
Rather than being the fire
That was breathing inside
Of me like I was a dragon
Now I’m wondering whether
I should love long enough
To step through these
Footprints once more
Or whether I should
Allow my heart to feel
Like a traffic light
During rush hour
Maybe I should have taught
My heart to close every time
The green light came instead
Of hitting the yellow
So sharply that my stomach
Burst

Meadow Is A Desert

Russian roulette is safer than
Walking down the street
In the aphotic land in a
Perfectly suburban neighborhood
Lost in the twinkle of the stars
From inside a glass cage 
For the light I wished to believe
In was residing outside, where
Only the males could reach it
Like the outside world was my
Kryptonite I always wished
To grasp for

The Heart

All she ever wanted was to feel
That everything was not for nothing
And that we had mattered in
Whatever miniscule way humans
Are able to matter besides the feelings
She wanted to feel like she had
Enriched someone’s life the same
Way those school programs had
Promised her that they would
Through reading stories of
Hercules and the ancient love stories
She wish she felt there would be
Between herself and the mirror

Those Magazines

I am not much when
The roofs have blown over
The houses I have scarcely seen
Or when the final crown is
Placed on my sister from another
Life, I imagine I can hide
Under the sun’s rays to forget
The weight of the world bearing
On my shoulders like the sweet relief
I never feel when my tear shaken
Spine steps onto the scales
Though I am all I have
When the blankets are not
Enough to muffle the screams

Get Back Home

I can only carry a
Thousand memories to
The grave, though I don’t
Know whether to pick the
Tears of losing you or the
Joyful whims of midnight strolls
We are born crying to show
We are alive and everytime
Tears cascade down our
Chocolate cheeks post that
Moment, it’s sinful
It’s going to be a long time
Before I can choose what to
Remember and what to
Let go of to get back home

Honor Roll

I can’t teach you how
To be fulfilled but I can
Educate you on how to
Make the honor society
Or be voted the “most
Likely to succeed” at
The end of the year
I can demonstrate how
To have a panic attack
During a test you didn’t
Need to take for another
Two years, I can remind you
Of how it feels to have designer
Bags resting under your eyes
Without a care to distort
The image of sleep deprivation
I can expose how easy it is
To shortcircuit during a
Conversation and repeat
The memorization of the
Wrong study guide for you
Forgot to study for this
Very conversation

Tell Me When It’s Over

I’ll leave you breathless faster
Than I can be reckless
To enjoy the moment
They tell us that water is
Never going to run out, it’s
All the same water we’ve had
Though I can’t imagine that
The tears in my eyes were
Once the water a princess
Drank in a daydream or
That the pang Sofia felt
In her heart as she chose
A child to let go of
Released the same flow
That thine own tears
Contained

High Society Gals

Offer me that destiny
The stars aligned to gift you
Provide me with loudspeakers
On the rooftops of buildings
To share every fight, every death
You once said to announce the
Births to remind us that life
Is everchanging, only I was
Thinking to announce the deaths
Let me give you my heart
So you can feel the plaque
Growing on my sides like the
Ebb and flow of life you
Seem to adore and I feel
The largest distrust for Offer me that destiny
The stars aligned to gift you
Provide me with loudspeakers
On the rooftops of buildings
To share every fight, every death
You once said to announce the
Births to remind us that life
Is everchanging, only I was
Thinking to announce the deaths
Let me give you my heart
So you can feel the plaque
Growing on my sides like the
Ebb and flow of life you
Seem to adore and I feel
The largest distrust for 

Living In The Sunlight

I shot the messenger in the back
Last time she delivered a message
Not up to my liking
I buried the wish of living forever
As quickly as I wished upon a
Lone star in the night sky
Little did I know it was exploding
Into a million shards, hurdling
Towards me to burn like dreams
In the face of destruction
Why can’t we see the ones we
Have the deepest hatred for
Are, in fact, not them but us
I am no longer exempt from
The reality of life and living
In the sunlight

Nine Lives

No one ever told me I
Was a darling in a sky
Full of menaces or that
I had hair shinier than
The likes of the peasants
Or that I was the bite
To swallow when no
Millions wanted me
I was rough around
The edges and stark
Against my own
Hipbones and red
Veins- I was too
Much soul enraptured
By the idea of finding
Another expressive soul
I am too much silk
To be wrapped around
Everyday of nine lives

Leave Me Behind

I imagine walking away
From a person for my
Own self worth every night
As I lay in a bed provided
For me by giving up my
Radical notion that I
Am a worthy person
I am afraid that if I
Ever say it I will turn
Into a zombie waking up
Sad and alone
To regenerate and rebuild
All by my lonesome

Health No More

There is shame that my
Insides feel wracking it
Over and there is
Humility that my brain
Wants to have to save
Face but there is also
Sadness in my throat
Because my blood has
Turned into salty tears
Coursing my legs and arms
Turning me into a statue
I am losing the touch of
My heartbeat when I
Press two fingers to where
Some people tie a noose
Before life has been given
A chance to be wonderful
I wandered here on my own
Only I need someone to
Hold my hand to lead me back
No one ever mentioned that
The sea is only beautiful
From ashore and a desolate
Palace from inside

Let Me Live

I am lost in your grasslands
Where the shards are higher
Than the head I own
It all starts when you get
The first bad grade you
Had ever known could
Exist and when you
Have to brush it all
Off like a chip on
Your shoulder, though
You are hanging on by
A measely thread
I am stolen by the
Sorrow you implanted
Inside of my eyes
I’m begging you to
Hold on long enough
To see me smile
But never die

Hate No More

Every organ in my body
Is rotting and dispelling the
Myths of carcass driven lies
For the notion that only
Bones below the head can
Grow aged and have a
Sojourn in useless
Has caused me to lose
The love of life faster
Than I imagined it
Would happen to a
Privileged human in a
First world country
Because it all hit me
Like a ton of bricks
The same way your
Finger prodded my
Forehead in the aphotic land

Self Love

There is more inside of me than
My vast knowledge on too many subjects
I hope one day someone will dig deeper
Into the roots and core of my being
I’ve spent so long praying that a person
Will roll around and make breathing easier
Because he set off fireworks in my mind
And the midnight sorrows will consume
My arms so rapidly that hugs turn to dust
The knots in my stomach will tangle
Together in the cold weather when the
Goose bumps rise higher than the
Thoughtless ideals we have created
I no longer wish for a person to get me
But for myself to get me

Hanging On Tailcoats

He is not a constellation
Filling the night sky with his brightness
The same way I am no medicine
For the remedy of sadness created
By the past differences
No one will appear through the fog
And drought to lick your wounds
When you have fallen at his feet
Let me tattoo the words of
Loving yourself before loving him
Onto your wrists so everytime
You wrap your arms around him
I can enclose you with the words
Of why you need to step back
Into the world of living life

Pressured

I wake up in the morning
Living with the shards of your wins
And my now existing losses to
Pierce the veins that once
Flowed with pride for the
Victories we shared together
And now I am in my solitude
Of needing those of my past
Without the one person of
The present forever

Migraine Lies

I am a tulip filled with the
Complexities and shining of
A thousand mountain lions
Crying hear me roar
And you are the asphalt
Beneath the paws of an
Empress as she chooses
To swallow you whole
Because you may look nice
Only you are swelling
With an ego larger than
Life and have no one
To share the success
with

Wrong Decisions

Tonight my voice is an umbrella
Weighed down by my gloom
But protecting me from the
World’s sadness all the same
People say they want to die
When all they do is stop
At every sidewalk they
See and follow the rules
In some ways I feel
We all want to die on
Our own terms like
The stars often try to
I guess I believe in somethings
Like the idea that the
Night sky believes in me too

Cloak Me

We are all just human beings
Controlled by the urges
We say we programmed inside
Of us so we can deny the
Actions we have made to
Love, to heal, to mend the
Broken areas inside of us
Even on the best days
Life is a mountain I
Can no longer climb
Because falling leads
To scratches and bruises
On my belly I wish was
Carrying stars and constellations
So maybe I could have a reason
To be in the fires ablaze

Demagouge

On Friday I am in love
With loving myself and
On Monday I am in love
With hating the feeling
Of arms buried deep
Inside of the gentle world
Which hath guided us to
The icicles capable of
Breaking down barriers
On Tuesday there is
Someone listening to me
Breathing the words I
Have always wanted to
Hear said slower
Only on Wedneday it
Is in a completely different
Language than the one
I can understand

Election Season: Run Turkeys Run

The small will one day grow big
Through the ample size of our
Actions louder than the words
The small will undermine the
System through the belief
That breaking someone else
Has never once fixed yourself
Your life will become unglued
Faster than the mess tangled
Up in your hands like the
Free postage you spare every
Season this comes around and
The same old kids are starving
On a different boulevard in
Every state in this country
A year ago I could have stayed
Up until 3am to talk about
My beliefs and dreams for
Growing old with you and all
I can say now is that I don’t
Even have my own world I
Always believed in