I am not much when The roofs have blown over The houses I have scarcely seen Or when the final crown is Placed on my sister from another Life, I imagine I can hide Under the sun’s rays to forget The weight of the world bearing On my shoulders like the sweet relief I never feel when my tear shaken Spine steps onto the scales Though I am all I have When the blankets are not Enough to muffle the screams
I can only carry a Thousand memories to The grave, though I don’t Know whether to pick the Tears of losing you or the Joyful whims of midnight strolls We are born crying to show We are alive and everytime Tears cascade down our Chocolate cheeks post that Moment, it’s sinful It’s going to be a long time Before I can choose what to Remember and what to Let go of to get back home
I can’t teach you how To be fulfilled but I can Educate you on how to Make the honor society Or be voted the “most Likely to succeed” at The end of the year I can demonstrate how To have a panic attack During a test you didn’t Need to take for another Two years, I can remind you Of how it feels to have designer Bags resting under your eyes Without a care to distort The image of sleep deprivation I can expose how easy it is To shortcircuit during a Conversation and repeat The memorization of the Wrong study guide for you Forgot to study for this Very conversation
I’ll leave you breathless faster Than I can be reckless To enjoy the moment They tell us that water is Never going to run out, it’s All the same water we’ve had Though I can’t imagine that The tears in my eyes were Once the water a princess Drank in a daydream or That the pang Sofia felt In her heart as she chose A child to let go of Released the same flow That thine own tears Contained
Offer me that destiny The stars aligned to gift you Provide me with loudspeakers On the rooftops of buildings To share every fight, every death You once said to announce the Births to remind us that life Is everchanging, only I was Thinking to announce the deaths Let me give you my heart So you can feel the plaque Growing on my sides like the Ebb and flow of life you Seem to adore and I feel The largest distrust for Offer me that destiny The stars aligned to gift you Provide me with loudspeakers On the rooftops of buildings To share every fight, every death You once said to announce the Births to remind us that life Is everchanging, only I was Thinking to announce the deaths Let me give you my heart So you can feel the plaque Growing on my sides like the Ebb and flow of life you Seem to adore and I feel The largest distrust for
I shot the messenger in the back Last time she delivered a message Not up to my liking I buried the wish of living forever As quickly as I wished upon a Lone star in the night sky Little did I know it was exploding Into a million shards, hurdling Towards me to burn like dreams In the face of destruction Why can’t we see the ones we Have the deepest hatred for Are, in fact, not them but us I am no longer exempt from The reality of life and living In the sunlight
No one ever told me I Was a darling in a sky Full of menaces or that I had hair shinier than The likes of the peasants Or that I was the bite To swallow when no Millions wanted me I was rough around The edges and stark Against my own Hipbones and red Veins- I was too Much soul enraptured By the idea of finding Another expressive soul I am too much silk To be wrapped around Everyday of nine lives
I imagine walking away From a person for my Own self worth every night As I lay in a bed provided For me by giving up my Radical notion that I Am a worthy person I am afraid that if I Ever say it I will turn Into a zombie waking up Sad and alone To regenerate and rebuild All by my lonesome
There is shame that my Insides feel wracking it Over and there is Humility that my brain Wants to have to save Face but there is also Sadness in my throat Because my blood has Turned into salty tears Coursing my legs and arms Turning me into a statue I am losing the touch of My heartbeat when I Press two fingers to where Some people tie a noose Before life has been given A chance to be wonderful I wandered here on my own Only I need someone to Hold my hand to lead me back No one ever mentioned that The sea is only beautiful From ashore and a desolate Palace from inside
I am lost in your grasslands Where the shards are higher Than the head I own It all starts when you get The first bad grade you Had ever known could Exist and when you Have to brush it all Off like a chip on Your shoulder, though You are hanging on by A measely thread I am stolen by the Sorrow you implanted Inside of my eyes I’m begging you to Hold on long enough To see me smile But never die
Every organ in my body Is rotting and dispelling the Myths of carcass driven lies For the notion that only Bones below the head can Grow aged and have a Sojourn in useless Has caused me to lose The love of life faster Than I imagined it Would happen to a Privileged human in a First world country Because it all hit me Like a ton of bricks The same way your Finger prodded my Forehead in the aphotic land
There is more inside of me than My vast knowledge on too many subjects I hope one day someone will dig deeper Into the roots and core of my being I’ve spent so long praying that a person Will roll around and make breathing easier Because he set off fireworks in my mind And the midnight sorrows will consume My arms so rapidly that hugs turn to dust The knots in my stomach will tangle Together in the cold weather when the Goose bumps rise higher than the Thoughtless ideals we have created I no longer wish for a person to get me But for myself to get me
He is not a constellation Filling the night sky with his brightness The same way I am no medicine For the remedy of sadness created By the past differences No one will appear through the fog And drought to lick your wounds When you have fallen at his feet Let me tattoo the words of Loving yourself before loving him Onto your wrists so everytime You wrap your arms around him I can enclose you with the words Of why you need to step back Into the world of living life
I wake up in the morning Living with the shards of your wins And my now existing losses to Pierce the veins that once Flowed with pride for the Victories we shared together And now I am in my solitude Of needing those of my past Without the one person of The present forever
I am a tulip filled with the Complexities and shining of A thousand mountain lions Crying hear me roar And you are the asphalt Beneath the paws of an Empress as she chooses To swallow you whole Because you may look nice Only you are swelling With an ego larger than Life and have no one To share the success with
Tonight my voice is an umbrella Weighed down by my gloom But protecting me from the World’s sadness all the same People say they want to die When all they do is stop At every sidewalk they See and follow the rules In some ways I feel We all want to die on Our own terms like The stars often try to I guess I believe in somethings Like the idea that the Night sky believes in me too
We are all just human beings
Controlled by the urges
We say we programmed inside
Of us so we can deny the
Actions we have made to
Love, to heal, to mend the
Broken areas inside of us
Even on the best days
Life is a mountain I
Can no longer climb
Because falling leads
To scratches and bruises
On my belly I wish was
Carrying stars and constellations
So maybe I could have a reason
To be in the fires ablaze
On Friday I am in love With loving myself and On Monday I am in love With hating the feeling Of arms buried deep Inside of the gentle world Which hath guided us to The icicles capable of Breaking down barriers On Tuesday there is Someone listening to me Breathing the words I Have always wanted to Hear said slower Only on Wedneday it Is in a completely different Language than the one I can understand
The small will one day grow big Through the ample size of our Actions louder than the words The small will undermine the System through the belief That breaking someone else Has never once fixed yourself Your life will become unglued Faster than the mess tangled Up in your hands like the Free postage you spare every Season this comes around and The same old kids are starving On a different boulevard in Every state in this country A year ago I could have stayed Up until 3am to talk about My beliefs and dreams for Growing old with you and all I can say now is that I don’t Even have my own world I Always believed in
To float up higher than the Top kitchen shelf was my dream When I was a baby I would coast From shelf to shelf in an effort To become higher than the clouds Themselves until one day I fell And my head cracked open Like the lotus flower in spring I imagine the doctor stitched It together wrong out of Fear everything sealed inside Could cause enough trauma That I’d jump one day Only I’m here to tell him The words I’m saying wrong Are only getting better
The laws of physics taught me That things lost must always Be picked up, taken from Somewhere else Only the laws of life Never explained that those Principles rarely apply When I lost any resemblance Of normality I didn’t realize It would dissipate into Nowhere land All my friends are turning Into stone in this ice barren World where my arms Are too cold to keep me Stuck together late into The night when I’m running Into the ICIEST waters It took me fiften years to Learn people are not Medicine and words are No remedy for an Insufferable disease Plaguing us all
The world is a stage in which The manifestations of our Passions are painted in hues Of greed, bloom and whit To prevent the idea of control Give me the world and I Can make a masterpiece Provide me with the seas And I can torment the Shores to love the sea No matter how often it Leaves and comes back again Give me a wilten rose and I Can make it shine But give me myself and I Cannot find a pillar to stand
People are filling me with coins Like I am some sort of slot machine There are random words tattooed On my wrist only I can never Seem to turn them into a Coherent poem as I once imagined I would be able to until I Realized the killing machine was Flowing through my brain The obsession for perfection was Only the beginning of something One day the words became all Too much and cutting one meant Cutting the other from the world The knives couldn’t drive deep Enough to pull the letters from The patched up skin Today I have courage flowing Through my veins instead of The sadness you filled me with Until I sunk
I’ve been nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award by InMyShoes247. The nominating is great, because I’ve had a chance to discover what other people enjoy on WordPress. Thank you InMyShoes247!
Here are the rules:
The One Lovely Blog Award nominations are chosen by fellow bloggers for those newer and up-and-coming bloggers. The goal is to help give recognition and also to help the new blogger to reach more viewers. It also recognizes blogs that are considered to be “lovely” by the fellow bloggers who choose them. This award recognizes bloggers who share their story or thoughts in a beautiful manner to connect with viewers and followers. In order to “accept” the award the nominated blogger must follow several guidelines:
Thank the person who nominated you for the award.
Add the One Lovely Blog logo to your post.
Share 7 facts/or things about yourself
Nominate 15 bloggers you admire and inform the nominees by commenting on their blog.
Seven Random Facts:
I grew up in Connecticut.
I am currently working on a publication of poetry.
I have had this blog for about three years now.
I’m a feminist (and we all should be interested in gender equality)
I’m very into leadership
I’m not quite sure what I want out of life anymore
I want to give people a chance when they don’t have one
It’s not the knife that kills But the intentions of the Human wielding the weapon Of their choice to fabricate The demise of existing long Enough to hold onto the Pain of sufferring to Feel alive for more than A few measly seconds in Which there is a purpose The counterfeit death Robs the daylight from Me once again