Salvage

The pressure of my back against
The wall and my feet to the other
Is an inexplicable manifestation
Of my frustration with the world’s
Inequities and triumphs over
The bold as if beating the best
Was worth it when beating
Involved a loss of yourself
Too far down along the road
To turn back the clock
When my spine has snapped
Like the conch locked
In your hands, perhaps one
Will see the translucence
And the omnipotence of
The words you said
To me

Inside Me

I attach weights to my soul
Like body builders do
Only they are growing stronger
And I am carrying a burden
Which is not mine
I cannot fathom the thought
Of abandoning the twelve
Year old girl carving
Her insides out so I
Must carry her inside
Of me, when I feel
A pang in my chest
I know it’s her banging
On my bones to escape
Her own demons

Let’s Play Pretend

Dead bodies spew from my mouth
The same way prophetic
Trash spews from yours in the
Dawn when you wake to
Feeling nothing in your chest
You fell into love too easily
Like the way I fall into
Lapses of feeling lost
In this vast sea of feeling
You said love demands
To be felt, the same way
Bone marrow demands
To be donated in the
Spring when your son
Is laying in his death bed
I can’t recall a time when
There wasn’t a weed
Beside the blossom
In your head

Shaking The Sun’s Salt

Everything can be burned
Is all I ever learned from
My sophomore astronomy class
The world could be consumed
By a solar flare one day and
It would be all our fault
The same way, my heart
Could be scorched too far
One day and it would be
My own terror that kept
Me from destroying the unkempt
Matters in my life
I promised I would never want
Anything more than to swallow
My disappointment so that
Things never truly hurt
Only living my life in ashes
Like I had already been burned
Hasn’t worked out well enough
So I may as well learn
To wallow in the sun

Dragon Tale

The cloths and bruises tend to whisper
“Who is going to love you now?”
Through their bristling together
With no one to batter my bones
Farther into their shells
Who is going to lick the wounds
They created, with their eyes closed
When the lights flicker, I ponder
Who is going to dissolve me
Until I am nothing left, but
A clock ticking by with the beat
Who is going to turn my lips
Into a bitter shade of plum
The world took a big bite
Out of me, only the questions
Wedged a knife through the
Healing I had created
Today I am going to
Love myself so no
One else needs to
I will be breathing mantras
Like a dragon into
My very own village
Lighting myself ablaze

Pablo Hurt

Hurt should haunt you like
A ghost setting your ship
Adrift in the wide open sea
Your eyes should turn
Like a globe behind your
Head when voices call
Out the words you liked
To say to displease
You are tints of gray
Even when summer
Come out to play
For that you should
Apologize rather than I
The meek soul aiming
To string words together
Like Picasso could string
Colors and shapes into
One

Medusa

This storm will wrack me a hundred times
Before it understands that I am no
Longer a force to be taken lightly
It took me years to find that
Bits and pieces of this rain
Are hammered into me so hard
I will be walking down the street
To find it pressing against my toes
Or staring at my cereal bowl
To see it settling like dust in my woes
In this weathered life, I seem to
Have found more than one strife
Perhaps the worst thing is
When the storm is begging you
To save it and you know to do
So you must climb the mountain
And fall a hundred times before it
Only this time I cannot mend
My tattered heart into another piece
To keep your concrete organ whole

Make Your Own Luck

The world tried to cover me up
With net sleeves and sophisticated words
They attempted to hide the bruises
Which a self battle and weight could bring
Today they question why there is no room
For leg-bearing, waist-hugging material
In my slim closet of sorrows
Only I am too busy closing the doors
On them as they did to my battlefield
When bombs were strapped to my
Chest and exploding on the inside
The world is a frightening place and in
It, there is no space for a girl like me

Local

I am the gut wrenching, tear driving story
In a world full of angry souls and riveting books
In a blanket of white, fluffy snow
I am the muddied slush under your car
Impeding the roadway to success
In a room full of blossoming lillies
I am the weed capable of destruction
I am the statistical anomaly your high
School teacher warns you of from her grave
In the darkest of nights and the brightest of stars
I am the reflection peering back from the moon

City of Lonesome

My thoughts thrash my head against
The cotton clad sheets and pillows
I am walking through sunlight
Being followed by my very own shadows
From the darkest days and beliefs
When the empty spaces lingered
Like depression in my life
I am no longer writing words
I would like to hear for years
I am hurling thoughts into
A death ridden abyss
Praying that someone will return
Mutual feelings of loneliness

Pig Land

The grains of desert sand are crackling
Within the very palms that slid through
The driest of hair and the most acrid of lies
A fiery moment transformed feelings
Into a love that can take a lifetime
To tumble over like ragged seaweed pieces
It scares me to see that calm and hell
Go hand in hand in terms of productivity
We are adrift in the sea of dryness
I am one polar plate and living is the other
In the moment where the event transpired
The briefest of seconds spaced over weeks
Of bliss where all of the sand disappears
All I can see in my dreams are earthquakes
In which the ground cracks beneath two feet
Separated on two sides of the divide
My brain directly above the gap
I once believed was a miracle

Trying Too Hard

A deep longing is gnawing at my appetite
I feel myself transforming into a mermaid
With scaly skin and flexibility in my abdomen
Bending over the light spilling from above
The weight of my body drags me down
To the sea where I have no rememberance
Of where I used to be or who I am
I am being held like a puppet from
Hundreds of strings from hundreds
Of pressures as I am folding in on myself
Like a stream of smoke flooding through
The very white light that sustains me

Shelter Blues

Two summers ago, I left my taillights on
Hoping some cloaked hero would come
Only in two years have I learned that
I enjoy being washed away and alone
I drove down to the riverbed
Where my car sped into the depths
I wanted to see if I could climb out
While the water submerged me
The pressure so high and all I could manage
Was to realize my seatbelt wasn’t on
I writhed as water filled the car
So the pressure would equalize
In a split second, the door opened
With ease as I swam to the surface
Only my assailant was anticipating
My arrival at the shore

Dog Fights

Our broken hearts are tormented
In very different ways, so the puzzle
Pieces can fit together like no other
I feel the words building up in my
Throat when I can see that someone
Misses me more than I imagined I would
I can feel the tension in the air
When I hear the apology lagging
In your mouth because I know it’s
Waiting for me when I anticipated
It would crawl out like a rabbit
From its hole of sadness and anxiety
Your breath is buzzing in my head and
It’s unbearable to imagine silence
In the night so instead I turn on the
Fan to drown out the life of no more

Forget Me

You are a serpent
Slithering through my
Dead carcass in the night
You are all muscle with no
Significant backbone to back
Me up long enough for me to
Plant my idealistic views in
The crevices of your ribs
I’ve got the heart of
The city that never sleeps
Bone cold and lucky to
Be alive for fifteen years
I think I would forget to
Breathe without you
Destroying every factor
Of my life I wake and sleep
To create in absence of the
Demons that exist beside me

Alphabet Soup Of Me

I loaned an explosion from my brothers
On the rudimentery level I was able to speak on
Only I imagined I would save it for when
I can no loner grasp the latent content
Of life to inhale the specks of happiness
I swallowed the waters of storms in hopes
That it would detonate in my throat
Before life had a chance to fracture in
My very hands, like a shard of glass
Stomped so minute you couldn’t imagine
It getting any more microscopic
I never imagined the rhythm of life
Would force me to push the button so early

So Funny, You and I

My mother’s comb dragged through
My dead skin like a plow
Pushing the white snow farther
And farther away from the homes
Where the problems and sadness
Lay over the school breaks
At first it was his eyes that
Enraptured my soul and then
It was being swallowed into the
Epicenter of the vortex
I was spiraling out of control
Before I could recall the
Drawer where I kept my
Hairbands, I was swept up
While fluid flood my lungs
Pressing onto my rib cages
Until one day they cracked
With the sound I often
Heard when skin met skin
A glitter that only few
Could catch with their gaze

Hey There Ana

I always thought the craving
To crawl inside my bones in order
To make myself whole again would
Be buried like the carcass of disease
In the sterile doctor’s office

Only when someone mentions the
Dreaded words; the danger zone
I find myself being replicated
In another dimension as plumper

I discover a bottle of remanants
Surfacing from a place I
Thought I had left forever
With no hope of returing to

Bugs crawl under my skin
And my lip quivers as I
Peer at myself in the mirror
With the intent of breathing

For another hundred years
I thought I wanted to live
Forever out of fear of death
Only I fear slowly destroying myself
More

Heart Disease Is Me

My heart is beginning to look
Like a minefield for explosions
And random pieces of
Veins moving across the
Vast terrain of my body
Rather than being the fire
That was breathing inside
Of me like I was a dragon
Now I’m wondering whether
I should love long enough
To step through these
Footprints once more
Or whether I should
Allow my heart to feel
Like a traffic light
During rush hour
Maybe I should have taught
My heart to close every time
The green light came instead
Of hitting the yellow
So sharply that my stomach
Burst

Meadow Is A Desert

Russian roulette is safer than
Walking down the street
In the aphotic land in a
Perfectly suburban neighborhood
Lost in the twinkle of the stars
From inside a glass cage 
For the light I wished to believe
In was residing outside, where
Only the males could reach it
Like the outside world was my
Kryptonite I always wished
To grasp for

The Heart

All she ever wanted was to feel
That everything was not for nothing
And that we had mattered in
Whatever miniscule way humans
Are able to matter besides the feelings
She wanted to feel like she had
Enriched someone’s life the same
Way those school programs had
Promised her that they would
Through reading stories of
Hercules and the ancient love stories
She wish she felt there would be
Between herself and the mirror

Those Magazines

I am not much when
The roofs have blown over
The houses I have scarcely seen
Or when the final crown is
Placed on my sister from another
Life, I imagine I can hide
Under the sun’s rays to forget
The weight of the world bearing
On my shoulders like the sweet relief
I never feel when my tear shaken
Spine steps onto the scales
Though I am all I have
When the blankets are not
Enough to muffle the screams

Get Back Home

I can only carry a
Thousand memories to
The grave, though I don’t
Know whether to pick the
Tears of losing you or the
Joyful whims of midnight strolls
We are born crying to show
We are alive and everytime
Tears cascade down our
Chocolate cheeks post that
Moment, it’s sinful
It’s going to be a long time
Before I can choose what to
Remember and what to
Let go of to get back home

Honor Roll

I can’t teach you how
To be fulfilled but I can
Educate you on how to
Make the honor society
Or be voted the “most
Likely to succeed” at
The end of the year
I can demonstrate how
To have a panic attack
During a test you didn’t
Need to take for another
Two years, I can remind you
Of how it feels to have designer
Bags resting under your eyes
Without a care to distort
The image of sleep deprivation
I can expose how easy it is
To shortcircuit during a
Conversation and repeat
The memorization of the
Wrong study guide for you
Forgot to study for this
Very conversation