Incomplete Compassion

I’m waiting for the world to drop dead
When you decide to come around
For someone to say it’s an end
I took everything you said,
And put it in my right hand,
Stored it in my pocket
Mixing up good and bad-
Scattering your words
Until I forgot what was
Real and what was wrong
I put them on my bed
Laid in them like sworn
Deep water to soothe it
I climbed into the warmth
And let it swirl around me
But the words only clung
To the places I couldn’t see
I am wrapped in your lies
Like twisted lillies and vines
For a split second, the world
Has frozen over again

Timber Flowers

I always get what I want
Except for those hands of yours
I can fall in love with the river,
But never what comes below

I’m waiting to feel your smile
Caress the tortured places
And your insides dropping to
The sidewalk like ten story buildings

I shatter dreams to get to mine,
Feeling nothing along the way,
Watching you fall in love in the sun
But never thinking I could be one

I sit on the tops of tables and
Watch the clunky desks fall
Because no one will remember
The sand blowing across the moon
Or the water plugging your veins
When there are flowers on our grave

What I Wanted To Say

She is half of who you are

But an entire piece of scars 

She believes in blue skies 

As if they are perfect fact

Your rocks crumble and reform,

Not the same way each time 

Your mountains shift continents

Because you know change is around

She is made up inside your head

A girl you loved but never bred

She holds onto ideas of you

Only she can’t anymore with no view 

Your mind grows sick with worry

About when you can tell her more

But she is an iceberg waiting to

Ruin you again, but I won’t wait this time 

A New Story 

Tell me the story again, but this time

Make it easier for me to make it to the end 

No crunching leaves like you 

Are mincing garlic in my ears 

Waiting for me to go and disappear

Don’t tell me about the house 

Waiting on top of the hill for them

Instead, make it long and never let it end

Tell me the wolves chased it away

And the lights never quite came back 

Tell me the story of how autumn 

Breathed in their love and let it out

All in a gasping breath like a storm 

Don’t say all the roads lead back to Rome

And we will all find our ways soon 

Their eyes are my reflections, 

Like their mouths are my graveyard

And their words are the corpses of

The people in the story, the ones who

Could never get it right 

Tell me the story again, make it 

Fast and never let it end 

Fill it with the sounds of feet; 

Let them live without each other,

But never quite want to 

Pill Poppers 

For a moment, I would like for
The mountains to stop shifting
And for the sea to be at peace
For I need to be the roaring waves

For a second in an infinite period
Of overwhelming time, I would like
To be inundated by the poison
Rushing through my veins and
The catastrophic end to my means

For a trajectory, I would like to
Be a monster in the sea, one with
No way back to the comfort of shore,
To be a tumbleweed lost in the breeze

But instead I am the grace of my words
About this disease that makes you
Blind to everything you have ever seen,
A poster child for sand plugged eyes
For a moment, I would like to be
Allowed to take pills that paint
My sky in shades of gold and slick
My silver streets with cold strewn rain


You fell into the world the same way

You roamed into my hands, in quicksand

-And now I’m beginning to understand

Why they break bones to heal them today

Your words make my stomach feel

Like it’s twisting into knots of industrial

Sized rope, like my aorta is dropping

Seven stories into a place it shouldn’t be real

Not speaking to you lets me forget

The words you said but never meant

-The way your letters never sent

And your scars strolled into my heart

But not how your name fell into my lap

Churning and blowing winds on my life map

When I knew there was no place for me,

If there was room for you and I,

I let it happen, I was too much of mine

Floor Wired Goodbyes 

I am worried about holding my own hands

When the end of the day has rushed by

And they tell me there’s nothing left to try

I could swallow roses with thorns if you

Thought it would make me sweet enough

To live ten years more

I will be buried in a coffin; full of flowers

I had picked for my wedding day,

Only the pinkest of hues and peonies

People will be intoxicated by the scent

Of screaming flowers when I go, but I’ll

Be laying there with thorns in my throat

The race tracks will be filled, and I

Will be in a constant state of struck worry

About when my kidneys will split

Open or my liver will erupt, leaving a

Long trail of my secrets to tell

I am startled by the idea of leaving

Before I have a chance to wait for

The scores to come, the same way

Someone who wasn’t dying would

Be The Same

September leaves do not forgive

And neither do I; they crash to

The ground with the intent to rise.

Only, the fallen lay low until picked

Up again and the dead remain skinned-

Until the benefactors come around again

You promised to let me lay my days

Into your palms like you were a sponge

And I was the rushing waters below the sun,

Only your hands froze before I became a storm 

September boots crunching the ground;

That’s the feeling I get from leaving you-

With clipped wings and scornful hatred

Smoldering in once glistening eyes 

When I was nothing but recycled 

Thoughts and old promises on repeat 

You were to love me like I wasn’t blue 

Only the battered person could never shine anew 

Maybe that’s why they call it fall

Too many broken leaves and people

Stumbling to the ground and not

Enough people to pick them up 

Left In Pieces 

The creaking sounds emanating

From the crevices in my bones

Are the same as those coming

From the ships carrying them home;

A land where no one was sought 

Only consumed by death and glut 

The slow swaying of my wrists 

Attempting to hold your lies like bliss

Is like the whining call of the trees in

Forests I used to want to dance with; 

An array of misunderstood greens

Losing their color in fall’s gleam

The yearning portion in my eyes 

Is a slice of the moon given rise,

Hurling to the earth with no more

Than a hundred years to soar; 

A personally branded cure for

People who take my hand evermore 

Hatred for You

Sometimes when I close my eyes

All I see is your reflection;

The broken parts of anger and

Callousness, the parts where you

Forgot what it was like to never

Be loved and cherished, the times

You didn’t understand

I see the fragility of an ego so

Carefully laid on stepping stones of 

Other people’s compliments, the 

Need to be wrestled with arguing 

Or the glass ceiling may cave in

The strange voices you used to

Conceal your lack of any truth, the

Lies you felt would make me feel

As if being loved were more 

Important than loving myself

Maybe in another

Life, I could buy the murals

About having children and giving

It all to you, but you are just

Another person tormented by the  

Same idea of someone rising above

And walking with their head

Slightly higher 

Treatment Plans for Lies

“There are moons under your eyes

And Appalachian mountain lines

Crossing the planes of your cheeks”

My mother used to senselessly say

There are deposits of bravery

Loading up the unseemly places

I could never conceal;

The crescent moons came

Back when I smiled too much

And the mountains were meant

To be crossed with bravery and

Still fingers like the robbers

Who stole into the night

My smile is lined with gold;

“A life preserver with orange

Caution tape you could throw

To someone in a shipwreck”

He used to say

It’s no wonder that I’m not sure

Which lie was worst told


Key Issues

Filling your soul with enough light
To put the stars in the sky to shame
Is harder when you are too bright
When your smile is a flame 
Lighting forests like a match
Instead of putting out fires
If eyes were clouds hard to catch
Would there be rainstorms
Brewing in them like black
Coffee you churn in the morning
The way your heels clack
And your stomach churns a warning
If you could walk like you owned
The universe in your rubble,
Couldn’t you forget the stoned
Ideas resting in you like trouble?

An Artist of Color 

The color of growing apart

Is no jaded blue or heated red

It is not the darkness of black

Or the warmness of yellow sun

It is a conglomerate of forest

Greens and the eyes you are

Begging yourself not to see

It’s the culmination of their

Hands holding the moon

And the shade their hair

Glistened when it shone

It’s the levity of their laughter

Intoxicating the air

And the brevity of your love

All caught in a bad dare

It’s not a color you could

Put a resolute name to

Or a resounding hue

It’s letting go

Both of Me

You told me that there are two 
People in this world; the simple
Girls who twirl in dresses and
The ones who functioned for hours
You couldn’t figure out who
I was meant to be, and until that
Day, I had always known who
But the moment you dropped
Weights of qualifications and
Rings of promises onto me, I
Began to forget what it 
Felt like to breathe
But now, I remember that it
Is entirely alright to covet
Long locks of hair and swirl
In golden skirts with books
Burdening my spindly arms
-When I stretch my legs to 
The sky with emptiness,
There are still thoughts
Of who you wanted me
To be, to be good for you
Except I am too occupied
Being good for me 
I will no longer make myself,
My feelings and my thoughts
Smaller to fit into your palm

Practicing You

“Whats a safe distance?” He asked
When he taught me to drive, but
I couldn’t recall anything but
How far the distance from your
Words had to be for me to forget;
Six hours with no response or six
Days of pretending someone
Else was holding my heart
How far did I have to be from
The site of the blast to forget
The fire that burned in your
Eyes you lost in the moonlight
At least a lifetime away;
That seemed to be the right
Distance from you, even 
When you were sprawled
In stranger’s arms for days
I could comfort my wounds
With bandages of ambition

Never See You Again

In the city of angels, there is a sea;

A culmination of feeling broken and

The common misconception that

Humans can shatter when they fall

Only, we aren’t made of glass or

A few hundred bonds to break

The loneliest place I had ever been

Was the ledge of between us

We are resilient souls meant to be

Mended by stitches and love all in one

When you promised me to choose

My soul in every life for the rest

Of our infinities, I forgot to hold

Onto the railings beside your words

In the sea, we are pruning to nothing

Until our arms and limbs feel like weights

Dragging us down below where the

Salt coasts for years on end

When you held onto my promises

Like I meant them all, the things

I used to be bloomed into the

Pedestals we are lost on now

There will be days when I feel 

Shattered with only your promise to

Comfort me for hours, but the 

Clarity I cling to is like no 

Promise of love to be given

Eclipsed Moons 

When I thought of you, you were an eclipse;
Something I could taste like
The rose I crafted for you
In a fleeting moment of truth

When I heard your name flutter in
My chest; it was like driving down an
Open road with the levity hanging
In the air like it was the atmosphere

It was an addiction I always believed
I could let go of any day I chose
-But when the rainbows showed
I was too far in to let go

Perhaps that was my perpetual mistake
The feeling of control when I truly
Had none to hold, the idea that I
Could never forget happiness the
Same way it often forgot my street

You were the flooring of the wrought pool
My parents told me was a waste
Of the water we never wanted
To swim in long enough to love

When I think of you now, it’s snaps
Of rubber hands and prying my
Heart open for someone else, in an
Effort to let go of a love we never had

Being Born 

You wept when I was born; not for a tale

Of pushing until one might break 

But one of extracting a body as though 

It was going to be the weight of carcass 

You broke into tears gasping for breath

Because the water she meant to give me

Couldn’t find a reason to stay at my side

You hoped your salted wounds could 

Travel the courses of veins to find the

Place where my walls were burning 

When I pass along so slowly, it’s as

Though I can feel your lassitude 

Crushing the tears you left in me  

I’m left to wonder, if I lost everything 

I was supposed to be again, would

You hand over your tears in a bag or

Save them for burying me alive 

In Fire

They turned me inside out, saying
I needed to feel my soul torn
Into two unequal halves just to
Imagine what they had gone through
Only I had been wrecked into
Thousands of crooked pieces instead
They said their eyes were veiled
With bitterness and tender cruelty;
That I could never know of what
Lurked beneath those irises much
Like stormy oceans when we traveled
Only my own may not have been
Glossed over, but folded in the
Structures I used to find beautiful
They said I didn’t know the deep ache
That one could feel somewhere
So far inside of them, that they
Couldn’t reach in for anyone to
Pull it out

I Want More

Nature and I collapse like
Old friends, reminiscing in
Being the untouched purity
Of the forsaken world, the
Last few things remaining
Few things remaining without
Traces of your smoke
We collide like I am a boat
Rowing its way through the
Ocean, but I am patting
Myself down and looking
Into the thousands of stars
You promised to bundle up
For me in the winter,
Instead, nature is letting
Me sell my soul for something
To reach for

Letting Go

You handed me a dictionary;
Asking me for three words
To describe the relations I
Held with those who
Carried me into the world

Only three words couldn’t
Describe the emptiness
Shadowing my world, they
Couldn’t say how they throw
Mindless words onto the floor
Every night as I wait for them
To shatter, just like me

It’s like being stuck with the
Feeling that comes after
Waking up from a nightmare
But most of all, it’s like driving
A train on ancient tracks and
Knowing it will wreck itself

The Beginning Again

Falling in love with you is
Like shaking myself dry
While standing waist deep in
Your ocean and I’m completely
Terrified of swimming to shore

It’s like waiting for a time
Bomb to explode and watching
For the pieces of you inside of the
Little places in me; like tumors

It’s how you can unwind my
Tongue like you are alcohol
And I am the night where
There is only depravity

When you say my name again
It’s feeling every word you
Say to me evaporate in my
Chest before it’s gone from
My mind; the place where
I used to be safe from you

Emerald Green Interruption

The pale of the ocean; that was what

You called the white froth that beat

The blue calm to the shores, the 

Same way you called me your forever 

Only we forget that people are only

Temporary, that one day I won’t 

Picture your eyes and feel the tugging 

Sensation in my stomach 

You promised to never give up on us

But I never knew whether my lips were

Hanging onto empty promises or onto

The thought of the horizons with you 

When seeing you makes every breath 

Feel like thunder roaring in my ears and

Lightning striking the pale of the sea, 

Maybe you will forget who you were to me


I feel you in an impossible place
Where the windows are closed,
The shudders are nailed to the
Siding we chose together
The thoughts of you linger
Between the silence in every
Word I speak, among the gasps
Before every breath I take
Just to gather the energy
To tell the story of what we
Had together, the one I seem
To be repeating every few
Minutes, but that you have
Let run into the wind like
The auroras you watch
Every night with her
I need something to forget
That lonesome feeling of regret
Even if I burn all of our bridges
The waterways still lead back
To you in my mind