In Fire

They turned me inside out, saying
I needed to feel my soul torn
Into two unequal halves just to
Imagine what they had gone through
Only I had been wrecked into
Thousands of crooked pieces instead
They said their eyes were veiled
With bitterness and tender cruelty;
That I could never know of what
Lurked beneath those irises much
Like stormy oceans when we traveled
Only my own may not have been
Glossed over, but folded in the
Structures I used to find beautiful
They said I didn’t know the deep ache
That one could feel somewhere
So far inside of them, that they
Couldn’t reach in for anyone to
Pull it out

I Want More

Nature and I collapse like
Old friends, reminiscing in
Being the untouched purity
Of the forsaken world, the
Last few things remaining
Few things remaining without
Traces of your smoke
We collide like I am a boat
Rowing its way through the
Ocean, but I am patting
Myself down and looking
Into the thousands of stars
You promised to bundle up
For me in the winter,
Instead, nature is letting
Me sell my soul for something
To reach for

Letting Go

You handed me a dictionary;
Asking me for three words
To describe the relations I
Held with those who
Carried me into the world

Only three words couldn’t
Describe the emptiness
Shadowing my world, they
Couldn’t say how they throw
Mindless words onto the floor
Every night as I wait for them
To shatter, just like me

It’s like being stuck with the
Feeling that comes after
Waking up from a nightmare
But most of all, it’s like driving
A train on ancient tracks and
Knowing it will wreck itself

The Beginning Again

Falling in love with you is
Like shaking myself dry
While standing waist deep in
Your ocean and I’m completely
Terrified of swimming to shore

It’s like waiting for a time
Bomb to explode and watching
For the pieces of you inside of the
Little places in me; like tumors

It’s how you can unwind my
Tongue like you are alcohol
And I am the night where
There is only depravity

When you say my name again
It’s feeling every word you
Say to me evaporate in my
Chest before it’s gone from
My mind; the place where
I used to be safe from you

Emerald Green Interruption

The pale of the ocean; that was what

You called the white froth that beat

The blue calm to the shores, the 

Same way you called me your forever 

..
Only we forget that people are only

Temporary, that one day I won’t 

Picture your eyes and feel the tugging 

Sensation in my stomach 


You promised to never give up on us

But I never knew whether my lips were

Hanging onto empty promises or onto

The thought of the horizons with you 


When seeing you makes every breath 

Feel like thunder roaring in my ears and

Lightning striking the pale of the sea, 

Maybe you will forget who you were to me

Bridges

I feel you in an impossible place
Where the windows are closed,
The shudders are nailed to the
Siding we chose together
The thoughts of you linger
Between the silence in every
Word I speak, among the gasps
Before every breath I take
Just to gather the energy
To tell the story of what we
Had together, the one I seem
To be repeating every few
Minutes, but that you have
Let run into the wind like
The auroras you watch
Every night with her
I need something to forget
That lonesome feeling of regret
Even if I burn all of our bridges
The waterways still lead back
To you in my mind

Alaska 

The sky is burning like my cheeks

When I think of what you were

Doing instead of celebrating with me

….

I thought of breathing in the night’s

Stars and moon, but instead I wanted

To breathe in the scent of you 

….
The world shook and crackled at dawn

As they offered me something to forget

I was missing you before we met 

….
They told me it shouldn’t be someone

Who could spin words, but they felt like

How you turned in dances with me 

Marina

It feels like the crevices under rib cages

Instead of the beautiful moons under 

Your green eyes when you smile 

It’s as though I’m pressing on to drive 

But the pedals are pushing the tides

From ankle to waist deep in the flutter

Of a moment’s passing, I lose the 

Brightness I used to see in you; the 

Same way I lose the sun kissed shores 

In the few memories which remained

Despite everyone saying, they

Could never last in the rain

Producers 

Loving you is not intertwining our

Fingers like scraps of metal 

Found together in a graveyard

It is leaving my hands open 

With the desire to be held,

Opening the flood gates 

When the skies come down

It is not learning you, but

Learning who I am with you

It’s knowing that you used the

Same fingertips to close doors 

And dial the phone to let go

Of the dreams you had with 

Others, but risking it all by 

Letting our love hang from 

The penthouse balcony when

If could have been lost in a

Brooklyn alleyway 

First 

Moon by moon, I hope I don’t fall apart 

Before I have the chance to fall asleep-

I learned that it was possible to break

My own heart the same day you did 


It’s as though I have lost my footing

In a place I have visited a hundred 

Desolate times before with you; it feels 

Like yesterday is a blur many miles away


You begged me to be yours, but I didn’t

Know how to be mine for you first 

It was as though you had molded my

Veins into compasses directed for you


Just like that, I learned what love poems 

Truly were; catching velvety tears before

They had a chance to strike the surface 

Like watching how the sun so far away

Rose and fell for you, despite distance 

Casting away the wants in my heart

Why

I wish I could reach into your 

Chest to pull out the sadness 

Someone placed in a balloon

Far too long ago for me


Heavy like a wooden log

But light enough to snap

Like rubber bands on skin, 

The way you used to feel 

Against the roar of them


It’s as if a serpent is 

Slithering through my skin

And the venom is tracing

Its way through me to you


Your voice cracking on the

Phone is all it really takes

For me to want to run home

But when you remind me 

That we aren’t made of stone

I feel as though you are letting go


Perhaps I held tightly, for you

Might break apart if I wasn’t

Your personal brand of gorilla glue or

Maybe it was because you knew

It would be so much worse without

The sight of me breaking for you

Who and I

If wrapping things in steel,
Meant you couldn’t break them
I would tear down the armor
From you all the same

But looking into your eyes gives
Me the same feeling as standing
In arctic waters for too long

It’s like you throw mindless
Words onto the floor every night
And I wait for them to shatter

No Name

You kept asking to see me at sunrise
Saying a spirit as bright as mine
Would be at its most beautiful
Intertwined with pale morning light

Only seeing someone like me in the
Morning meant sipping the devastation
Until it began to pass, forming a great
Masterpiece out of swallowing sadness

The place where I was truly the most
Beautiful was in your words and
Besides the tears in your heart, but
Mostly in the inflection of your voice

Laughing with you was like breathing in
Your scent as if it was laughing gas
But walking with you was like slipping
Down the most perilous of slopes

My God

The seasons are all washed up
Against the beat of the sands
Kind of like the two hearts we
Melded together in a summer’s haze

When people ask who my first love was,
I won’t know if it was the blue of the
Ocean or the darkness that lurked
Below the violent waves raging below

Perhaps it was you sprawled out
Along the grass with the guitar
Strings wrapped around your fingers
And the way you looked at me

I think of how we chased storms
Together, like we were firefighters
Holding onto the feeling of black
Smoke burning in our mouths

In those moments, we were an
Invincible combination of asking
Too much and giving too little; 
Of fireflies and the night sky

An Anchor

When I meet someone I’ll hand my moons
To for the rest of my life, I’ll want them to
Fill me up like a 90’s Cadillac with the
Premium things it knew it deserved

I spent most of my childhood letting
Pieces of me fall into other people’s
Cracks, but this time someone else will
Light themselves on fire to keep me warm

Perhaps they will focus on the taste of
Gin burning down their throat instead of
The diamonds in my eyes and I will fall
Apart like crunched autumn leaves

When I meet them, they will splash their
Face with cold water to forget they are
Drowning in the old tales I keep telling
As if they even matter anymore

When I find them, I will want to be in
Love and they will happen to get in
The way of the carefully laid plans I set
Like the calm of ocean and forceful waves

Headlights On

Once, you asked me to draw shapes
Into the palm of your hand
A star for my name, a heart
For what you wanted from me

Only you snatched things so quickly
I never had a chance to recall
The shape of myself in you, to where
Now I cannot recognize it

If I ever ran somewhere, it used
To be towards you; but now I am
Sprinting from you like needles
Exploding from pines; falling

Everyone had handed me a square
Peg and asked me to shove it inside
Of a circular hole, force always
Worked well enough until it didn’t

It’s Where You Belong

I can only live without your love
For a few years longer, because I
Am no stranger to rejection in
This massive abyss we began to
Call a family sometime ago

There are regions of this home
Where it rains for days on end
And there are stains from the
Letters I couldn’t gain from you

I threw myself at the world like
A thunderclap in the sea of skinned
Knees and children riding bikes, as
If it meant you would be proud

You chased everything like it was
My tail, only hoping you could
See me do anything but push it
Entirely down the drains

There are broken combs in the
Land of people who demanded I
Survive a little while longer
Only I’m beginning to forget

Friction

Ornate words were harder
To digest coming from the
Authors that wrote billowing
Stories of weeping trees
Than when coming from you

Imaginably, it was the way your
Silence had a pungent aftertaste,
Much like the screeching I
Could hear in my mind
Whenever you felt lost

If I turned myself inside out
Maybe you could find your
Missing pieces among the fowl
Dancing on the densest pieces
Like two children in the rain

When you leave, it’s like I have
Lost the plaster holding me
Together in an attempt to find
The emptiness you pressed into
My soul as if it were friction

If I Like It

I never meant to look into the divide
That appeared like a bullet severed it
Hundreds of years ago; letting it
Bleed out and form stones in the
Midst of making space for the
Creaking floors and broken doorbell,
The kind that dings but no one hears
The sound or feels the rhythm of the
Gentle buzzing around the ghosts
Tip-toeing through the attic space
Though I suppose giving it a glance
Gave me the room for choking again

Four Digits

You have the type of voice that
Could be so smooth, if it weren’t
Erupting with anger and burnt
Beyond the years of cool

If this wasn’t good enough,
You could have been less rough
With the places you had been
To have something less rail thin

Maybe someone who would spin
Spider webs out of your temper
Like it was the rhythm under their
Fingers against the nylon strings

For you to see you aren’t a king
Ruling the masses with a flick of
The ring that means nothing to
Someone like you

Emotionally Laid

In the old movies, the boy sings a
Song about how the girl could
Be his muse and how he could be
Showered with praise for his
Accomplishments with a brush

Only the one who had to stand
Stark in the night and bear the
Critcisms on her bare back
Is erroded and no art to admire

Her legs are tainted with the
Red paint he spilled on his smock
And her eyes are scorched by the
Wrong shade of green he exclaimed for

Her hips belong to the sun
Instead of herself now, but he
Tells her nothing can be done but
Pour water to his canvas as he
May have done to her life

Hundreds

I longed for days thick with gloom
Or times filled with fog and doom
To break down the walls we had
Spent years building up precariously
So that when it falls apart, we
Won’t be tumbling down with it

It seems as if time fades away
When I am pondering the future
It’s as though the world has
Only just sprung up from its roots
And I am clinging to every drop
Of water lost on its spout

In those moments, there is light
Even when the sun isn’t sharing
Its warmth with the world
I forget to be afraid of the dark
When the moon is gracing
My bed window with its prescence

Short Handed

I was like a fog machine to you,
Only good as long as I spit out
The right concoction of words to remedy
Your questions, which reminded me of
The rapid fire cross examinations the
People with furrowed brows and
Hardened hands used as tools to pry
Open people’s chests with; as if they
Were mechanics moving along an assembly
Line made for tearing people apart

I was no good when I bloated with
The swelling waters you didn’t like
To see run north down my many faces,
Even the one meant for happiness
On the loneliest of all days, when
The best of all had run away

I was no blessing nor a burden when
My butterflies came to bloom as
Close to best but never reaching
Quite that one, simply I was the
Over-stretched, over-done carrier
Of your limits under the sea
Perhaps that was all it was ever
Meant to be

Incredibly

We grew together like two gnarled
Trees, twisting and turning together
Like cars around arctic grey poles
Stranded in the dead of night with
Willingly unsober passengers driving
With a purpose but losing it all the
Same, we wrestled like children who
Had no idea of the dark brooding
Inside of them with the ability
To capture the goodness like a tide
We could never be summer to each
Other, only the coldest winters
Breaking each others’ spirits and
Holding the glass in our hands
Before I became rain to you

TOD

There are words that are as
Foreign to me as pink tinged sand
Like the feeling of not leaving
Pieces of myself in every place
I travel to, or every broken
Person I hand myself to like
A happiness pill meant to cure
The longing in their hearts; as if
Doing that could do the same to me
I wrestled with the sea that was
Sloshing and sweeping inside of me
But the tide couldn’t carry it
Far enough, just like the stars
Could not glow with cosmic
Depression to calm the waves and
Swell with the lightness of sadness
Fast enough to fill my hearts with
Beauty and wipe away the tears
Like soft green petals floating
On top of the white worn waters