Jump and Fall

All my sunsets are made of you
From the melting oranges to the
Green hues blending into the sea,
All of the stars in the sky reminded
Me of the way your smile shines
All of the riptides in your canyon
Are like the way my chest tears
When you speak in riddles to me
All of my thoughts of home are
Composed of walking through
Dimly lit doorways to see you
And holding your hand in the sky

Finally Loved

When my eyelids are falling together
But I can’t let go of talking to you,
Our love seems as seamless as
The sheets covering our hands
Clasped together; enough to have
The universe to allow us together

I fell in love with your soul, like it
Was the moon you put in the sky for
Me, I was never afraid of thunder
Until I realized someone like you
Leaving would be my eternal storm

When the sea is kissed the shores, I
Wondered how it could come back
Every night to beg for more, but now
I see you every night in my dreams
and I finally understand

Black Tears

My eyes don’t know you yet, at

Least not the same you; not the

One who swam in the pools of

My eyes and drank in the sunshine

With just brilliant stars in mind

-I saw you like the moon 

With all your scars and hurt

But loved it all the same

Despite the distance leading

You far away

-My heart thinks of you

Like its the sun and you

Are the ocean it always

Illuminates 

Nobody Else

Your smile was like a shipwreck; 

Beautiful and earth shattering,

I’ve always been obsessed with

Winning the world over, but I

Wanted this victory to be you

-Could you teach me how to put

Your world back together again,

Starting with why you fade, and

Ending with coming home to 

The fireplace we left on 

Don’t Do It 

When you break my heart, it’s

Going to squeeze tissue I 

Didn’t know I had there, and 

It’s going to burn like you are

Pouring alcohol on my wounds

And I don’t know if I’ll dance

On rooftops or sing in the car

Anymore, because it’ll be you 

Staring at the back of my head

-My mouth will taste like steel

Because you make me feel

Like the sky was painted for me

And the sun was my gift 

When you break my heart, I’ll

Need to string together a skyline

To feel whole again 

Love Me? 

I wanted to bottle up my 

Feelings and set them adrift

To be forever lost at sea
My heart is redder than roses 

Or heels, but it’s killing me 

My dancing shoes could never

Quite keep me on beat 
I wanted to pluck the stems

From forest greens and hug

Every minimalist, bare tree
My heart was open on the 

Highway, no speed limits or

Caution signs for leave 

Only running to the sun 

 

My Pipe

Different beasts wake when 

Different people tremble and shake

The world which I have come to know

And the people I long to see go 
I wanted to travel to the sun 

If it meant going with you, my love,

-But you wouldn’t take the train 

To Boston if it meant living alone
Muddied water never cared that you

Couldn’t see to its bottom, but soon

I found I couldn’t let go of the need

To swim around and understand you 

Visiting Friends

I remember thinking that when the sun flared,
I would burst into flames, the same way I
Thought I could never get over the memories
Of promising to run away with you

I sowed the seeds of sorrow in the same
Place you wanted to water the gardens,
I stopped telling the story of how we
Were dark vines intertwined in the sky

I packed a suitcase full of our conversations
And shoved it under my bed, but every
Coat I wrapped around myself smelled like
The railroads we traveled together

You were the song that played in my head
Until I learned snapping the record was
Just as effective as putting the keys in
The right cupholder every night

Your God

Truly, we don’t forget people;
Only the little nuances about them
The way their eyes crinkle as
They forget to laugh at the joke
And how their anger boils up
Inside of them like in a genie’s pot

We never really went shaking the
Globe around or being soft for
Someone else when they came knocking
-Maybe that’s the problem, I would open
My arms wider and say come here
When it took a lifetime to forget

Like the flash flooding on TV, you
Were instanteous and fleeting
-Like fossil fuel, you kept burning
The flames which had long turned
To mere candlelight; couldn’t you
Just love me with everything or
Not at all?

All I Want Is Something

To not love me, you’ve always had
My full blessing; but this time around,
I didn’t want to imagine what tasting
My salty tears would be like when you left

Once you do run away, I’ll wish you
Had stolen me with you too, like
The constellations were stuck to the sky
And in between them were the empty spaces
Between all the things you never said

Only the world isn’t that soft, you said
You loved the city you never visited
And I wondered if you could love a
Girl you had never met instead, that
City was full of sharp edges and skyscrapers
Tall enough to swallow us whole

I never realized I would want this forever
The way I crave the love of the sun and the sky
And if I could have absent-mindedly come to
The place where we are together I would have

Loaded Guns

When my light is dimming, are you
Going to build me lanterns in your workshop?
When my roots are withering away, are you
Going to sew seeds like Van Gogh’s?
When my hands are shaking, are you
Going to want to stare into the forests
Hiding in my eyes or will you run to
The oceans melting in someone else’s?
When I’m afraid to go to sleep at night,
Are you going to flutter into my thoughts?
When I am a cloudless night, are you going
To be constantly recovering from a new state of terror?
When my eyes are melon drops of sunlight,
will yours be sunken in?
When I look to the sky and see you,  will
Your heart ache for how we stood like loaded guns?

Fool’s Hurt

I only hated him when everything
Hurt on the insides, and I couldn’t
Tug my heartstrings around anymore
I couldn’t despise his eyes when I was
Staring at shattered glass in place
Of my bones, and perhaps only
Fools fall for people like that, but
I had never seen green eyes that
Sounded like soft lullabies and that
Sparkled when they told beautiful lies
I only shivered when he held
My bags and I couldn’t, I could
Never begin to explain how much
It would hurt to burn those bridges
When death comes for me, I’ll
Bargain my way in the names of
People who have hurt me too deep

You Wrecked Me

I let myself believe in a new story
And the way your words warm me,
How your hands brought me coffee,
And your eyes drank me in
I didn’t want to be your latest
And greatest fascination, the kind
You left stranded in the middle of
The road of your compliments and
Midnight calls of pretending to miss
Your best friend in the nature of
This world, you’re driving me wild

Fool’s Love

I let myself see the stars in someone before
Until they turned into shattered dust
And the shards of a broken person
That I kept cutting myself upon on
This time, I will bend over and pick
Myself up so quickly that you will
Forget I was ever here for you
And maybe you will wonder if I am
The sun to your night or the gilded
Age in your life, like how the darkness
Drops now and again in a stony slumber

Blue Story

Writing words that intertwine like
The colors in your eyes and the
Words under your breath, is like
Trying to paint the feelings in
My mind but wondering if I
Am worth the wait in the end

Somewhere between the lines of
I love you and forever, the
Promises of being here and there
Were melting into somewhere
And I still wanted you, calling me
To bear your soal like a trigger

In those moments, it felt like you
Were my personally branded
Quake, and it didn’t matter
If all the galaxies were forming
And the oceans were depleting
Because the Earth just felt
Like it was built on your shoulders

Sorry

I feel at home in the spaces between
Your lingering words, as if my presence
And absence mean something lost in
The oceans of the world, and you were
Far from the typical person I used to
Find in the center of my storms
You were the one I wished they wrote
About in the young books and the one
With a voice that demands to be heard
Yet a heart raging with love and sunlight
So bright it could blind me again

Wasteland 

It was too cold to hover on the

Beach, too frozen to stay with 

The air of curiosity and contempt 

Yet I hid my shivering hands and

Clattering teeth for another 

Moment’s respite, a chance 

To be right beside me 

And when you asked if it was

Unbearable pain, I had to say

No, to save it for another day 

It was toxic to be in love, that

Was all I really seemed to know

But I became a wasteland anyway

Two of you 

I stole the stars for you

But from my own Galaxy

The trouble with that was

I tried to make fireworks

And all that was left was

The feeling of burning and

The sensation of smoke 

I didn’t know if you would stay

So I had to make it all decay

Would you take the love

From your eyes and plant

It in the garden in the sky?

Or would it be me, holding 

The delusion that love could

Exist for two people like us?

I stole winter’s snow and 

Handed it to fall for you, but

All you could see was spring

Blossoming somewhere new 

We are freezing together and 

Melting apart, like seeds you

Planted but flowers that never

Quite bloomed 

Never Seem

How rare and beautiful it was to
Believe that we always do it better
The second time around, like twisting vines

If we had had the same wounds,
Perhaps we could have irrigated
Them to shortcomings of nothing together

Only, the days tumbled by like waves
In the roaring seas, and other people
Began to listen to me like a favorite song

And slowly, I began to remember what
It was like to be cruel and molded by
The lack of love I never saw from them

Let Me Go

I’m walking through your mind
Like it’s my own personal garden
Of peonies and roses to love, even
Though I used to say I hated one-
And maybe I’m in love with the idea
Of being loved rather than you
But you are the fire in the night
When my life turns on a dime-
I’m springing through the same
Valleys with you, like wheat fields
And unbound questions we used to
Ask late at night, but there’s someone
Else on this ship that I can’t let go of
And I can only hope you will be
Immune to me soon

Letting Go Lou

I have loved the stars for far too
Long to imagine looking at the
Night sky and not seeing them there
And I cannot imagine feeling
Homesick for people too, because
This is all it has ever been, I didn’t
Want you to know how much
I couldn’t care about crossing vast
Oceans, like souls, to let you know
About the countries you are from
I’ve been so caught up in this world
That I didn’t realize it all happened
To you too, and maybe I won’t know
What life will be like when I am not
Like this anymore, but maybe it will
Be nice to look at the moon without
Seeing the scars there instead

Hunger

I’m sorry if I’m your stray dog
Forcing you to brave the winter
Cold and being lost all alone, this
Christmas season or whatever it
Is that you wanted me to say to you
And I’m sorry if I am screeching
The words you wanted me to say
But my three kings are singing to me
Through the lack of food on plates
I’m mostly sorry that I couldn’t be
The child you always wanted, but I
Am not sorry you aren’t the parent
I always wanted to have here

Sorry I’m Gone So Long

Your words are slicing me like razor blades
And I’m falling in two at the abdomen
I can’t keep this together anymore, I can’t
Hold the words in my head and keep the
Stories in coherent strings like the lovely
Things I want to study for as long as I live
And my favorite books are about the topics
I cannot breathe about anymore but I
Thought we were best friends for as long
As we lived together, but you aren’t at
My bedside when I am cramming to
Hold it together, when the world is turning
To ash and dust, and maybe this wasn’t
Ever meant to be, perhaps this distant hole
We called a family wasn’t allowed to be

Going Viral

Some nights, my mind crawls
With the thoughts of being
Strapped down to the bed and
Having injections strewn along
The floor, of having monitors
Screaming out thunder claps
About me as if they are my name
-And some nights, my ideas are
Wrapping their arms around me
As if they are boas constricting
My arteries and veins, stopping
The blood flow, draining the
Blood from my neck and brain
-Other nights, I am treading
Rivers in my mind, trying not
To think about the places I
Dared to go with you under
The cusps of golden leaves, when
I was absorbed by simplicity and
The thought of all being well
Again; being inhaled by
Someone instead of something
Else inhaling me

The Afternoon

You signed the papers to let me go
The same day I was scheduled to
Save my own life for the tenth time
I heard you whispering from a haze
Why couldn’t I rage against the
Good night or be gentle with
Lovely words when I needed to be?
And all of this talk about young
Summer love will just stay as
Imagination in my feeble mind, until
I can begin to be the broken flights
Wasting away on young city lights
I had been the temper tantrums
And living wisdom from the beds
But I was also the ancient woman
With unraveling arthritic fingers
And grief’s cloth tearing on my
Palms, but it wasn’t enough