Going Viral

Some nights, my mind crawls
With the thoughts of being
Strapped down to the bed and
Having injections strewn along
The floor, of having monitors
Screaming out thunder claps
About me as if they are my name
-And some nights, my ideas are
Wrapping their arms around me
As if they are boas constricting
My arteries and veins, stopping
The blood flow, draining the
Blood from my neck and brain
-Other nights, I am treading
Rivers in my mind, trying not
To think about the places I
Dared to go with you under
The cusps of golden leaves, when
I was absorbed by simplicity and
The thought of all being well
Again; being inhaled by
Someone instead of something
Else inhaling me

The Afternoon

You signed the papers to let me go
The same day I was scheduled to
Save my own life for the tenth time
I heard you whispering from a haze
Why couldn’t I rage against the
Good night or be gentle with
Lovely words when I needed to be?
And all of this talk about young
Summer love will just stay as
Imagination in my feeble mind, until
I can begin to be the broken flights
Wasting away on young city lights
I had been the temper tantrums
And living wisdom from the beds
But I was also the ancient woman
With unraveling arthritic fingers
And grief’s cloth tearing on my
Palms, but it wasn’t enough

I Love(d) You

I met you in a daze of white coats
When the city ran out of love,
I couldn’t remember watching 
Someone wait there with you, and I
Didn’t see someone there with me
But the kissed thumbs and bitten
Mouths, before the low odds were
Crying me to sleep every night,
And by the time the lies you
Gave me had spread to my
Lungs, my squeaky voice was
Too young, too fragile to
Process the total life support
Loving you would mean for me
You came to me like a raging
Sea, but I couldn’t be the
Calm that you needed to

Second Overdose Lies

I’m writing the same story today,
but from the same stoned palace
if you would dream that it’s okay
It’s no secret that I have let
The coffee pot steep too long
But can’t you see, that I don’t
Know why I keep talking and
Can’t make a break to run?
Maybe it’s because I loved the
Way autumn leaves fell at
My feet when I was young,
But now it just reminds me
Of how proud you were to
Be a villain that split souls
Between your fingtertips
And I can only imagine
How clammy your hands
Must have been, when
You held onto sixteen lies
As if they were weeds
In the garden you despised
Maybe it’s because I loved the
Deep ocean blue, not it’s
Warm, angel-laid beaches,
But it’s abysmal mysteries
I wanted to uncover
Before you came along

The Truth Is

Her eyes were begging me, under
The pale sunlight I hated to see
“Don’t let me live without you”
And her warm hands were whispers
I couldn’t listen to any longer

You talked about me like a flower
Something that died when you
Picked it up for too long, but I
Didn’t have the will to tell you
I’ve been a wilting rose all along

When I have but two heartbeats
Left in my chest to rise and fall,
I want her to hold me like she
Had a chance to when I was born
Even if I’m nothing but stardust

Her story wasn’t stardust and
Letting her children bury her in
Stone, it was being buried in the
Bills of losing your child for one
Hundred years of nothingness

Death Doesn’t Get Less Scary

Should I write it in a letter
And leave it beside the death bed?
Would that make you understand
The symphony of violins in my head,
And if I wrote a song about the
Earth which trembles below her feet
Would you begin to remember what
This entire universe meant to me?
I don’t know if you will ever read this
But perhaps that’s just because a
Part of me considered you a masochist
And maybe that means I will leave
It all in morse code, for someone to
Cry into the phone at 3am and tell
Their loved ones of who I was again

Closing Slowly

My eyes burn when I
Shut them too tightly
And their craters turn
To being rubble under
The sun’s ominous light
And my eyes sing
When I see the art
Of people I’m destined
To be, when all is said
And all is done, there
Will be some and
There will be none
But all I’ll recall
Is the taste of
Feeling broken

A Different Kind Of Treasurer

There is nothing to be said
For what is inside of me
There are no anecdotes
Hiding in glass bottles
Under your kitchen sink
So you cannot tell me
That it’s going to be okay
Not everyone can handle
The dark side of the moon
And I’ve had to learn
To clock my hours and
Cross my T’s before
The sun rises or else
I’ll be torn apart
Under the rays of
The looming sun

Don’t Go Cold Into The Night

There’s the color crimson
Rotting the irises in my eyes
And I’m wondering how
I can free my mind when
I would have done anything
There was to let you feel
Like I would be here forever-
The whole world goes cold
And my legs fall limp, when
I hear the wrenching sobs
Wracking your body like
A personal brand of torture-
And when she says no one
Should have to bury their
Child, I begin to believe they
Won’t have to in this lifetime-
But when the rain is enough
To shake my bones cold… 
If I could say something
Don’t you think I would?

Lighten Up

Their eyes were wide open
Not in the innocent, star-gazed
Loves to see the moon rise
But the lost, and not the lost
Kind where you have taken
The wrong turn too many times
Until you are in a different state
But a lost where you began in
The wrong place entirely
Where crawling under the covers
And sinking into slumber of
Staring into the mirror until
You are dizzied by the world
Which used to be in the palm
Of your hand for you to hold
Their eyes are burning the
Back of my lids when I close
Mine, and their words are
Scorching a hole in my pockets
Until the whole pieces of their
Glasses are lodged in my plates

You Wouldn’t Get It 

It would be spooning cough syrup 

As if it had enough alcohol content

To wash away the feeling I had 

When my cheeks were burning red

It would steal the cold away

From my frost bitten fingers and

Leave them with nothing to hold

Like a trophy in the palm of my hand

It would be lying underneath the sky

Waiting for the stars to come roll by

And have no plan to change their drift

It would be like winter coming before

The fall leaves can lose their colors

To spring from the same beginnings 

Being ordinary would kill me 

Help Letter For When It Happens 

I am the cloud in the muddy storm

Carrying the rolling thunder and

The crushing lightning to places

Where it cannot be seen 

I never wanted for someone to

Stand behind scarlet curtains and clap

When I was leaving, I wanted you to run

-Just until your lungs broke to catch up to me

I am the New England leaves 

Puddling the ground after they

Changed colors enough to crack

Like the pearls that failed 

I never needed for someone to

Hold my hand when I walked up

The stairs or carry me through

Darkened museum halls, where the

Faces of Cleopatra were supposed 

To remind me of where I was going 


There is no love after this life

In which there was nothing but

People in the front lawns and 

The blooming sunshine, when 

I’m gone, my heart is here 

One More Reason

People look at you with their heads
Cocked to the side, their eyes wide
Open and their smiles like genocide
You open your soul and let it slide
But it’s crumpled paper floating aside

Half my life is waiting for the scores
And praying there’s nothing more
But half the time is thinking I could soar;
End it all right here; a bottle, a sin and a door

But how do you tell them that you cannot
Be the illustrious light that draws the wrought,
Sunken moths to your traps in thought
Like you are a golden satellite in the rot

I am at the edge of my galaxy
So do not stand and weep in agony
I am a combination of stars and fantasy
But this life was no travesty

Australia Coming

Boats are safer than the lands
In my life these days, every
Monster I have encountered is
Waiting on the shore of my new start

Their souls used to be the silks on
My bedroom sheets and now they
Are conglomerates of sunken eyes
And so how do I go back

Back to seeing the shore as a faithful
Friend and lost love clenching my soul
Instead of the stranger holding
Tightly to the backs of my sweaters

Russian Ballet

You are looking for silver linings
In the places where I see veins in the sky
You are blowing kisses into the sun,
Like love lights its smiles like a lantern

You say I can’t write love poems
If I haven’t been in love, only I have
-With the way your eyes crunch
And frantic butterflies swim along

You are holding onto nothings
Like eyelashes swimming in my eyes
I can’t imagine a world without you
-The same way I can’t imagine one without me

You cried when I said lightning and thunder
Don’t boil in the same pot for too long
Before all of the gas escapes to calm
The storms in someone else’s eyes

Incomplete Compassion

I’m waiting for the world to drop dead
When you decide to come around
For someone to say it’s an end
I took everything you said,
And put it in my right hand,
Stored it in my pocket
Mixing up good and bad-
Scattering your words
Until I forgot what was
Real and what was wrong
I put them on my bed
Laid in them like sworn
Deep water to soothe it
I climbed into the warmth
And let it swirl around me
But the words only clung
To the places I couldn’t see
I am wrapped in your lies
Like twisted lillies and vines
For a split second, the world
Has frozen over again

Timber Flowers

I always get what I want
Except for those hands of yours
I can fall in love with the river,
But never what comes below

I’m waiting to feel your smile
Caress the tortured places
And your insides dropping to
The sidewalk like ten story buildings

I shatter dreams to get to mine,
Feeling nothing along the way,
Watching you fall in love in the sun
But never thinking I could be one

I sit on the tops of tables and
Watch the clunky desks fall
Because no one will remember
The sand blowing across the moon
Or the water plugging your veins
When there are flowers on our grave

What I Wanted To Say

She is half of who you are

But an entire piece of scars 

She believes in blue skies 

As if they are perfect fact

Your rocks crumble and reform,

Not the same way each time 

Your mountains shift continents

Because you know change is around

She is made up inside your head

A girl you loved but never bred

She holds onto ideas of you

Only she can’t anymore with no view 

Your mind grows sick with worry

About when you can tell her more

But she is an iceberg waiting to

Ruin you again, but I won’t wait this time 

A New Story 

Tell me the story again, but this time

Make it easier for me to make it to the end 

No crunching leaves like you 

Are mincing garlic in my ears 

Waiting for me to go and disappear

Don’t tell me about the house 

Waiting on top of the hill for them

Instead, make it long and never let it end

Tell me the wolves chased it away

And the lights never quite came back 

Tell me the story of how autumn 

Breathed in their love and let it out

All in a gasping breath like a storm 

Don’t say all the roads lead back to Rome

And we will all find our ways soon 

Their eyes are my reflections, 

Like their mouths are my graveyard

And their words are the corpses of

The people in the story, the ones who

Could never get it right 

Tell me the story again, make it 

Fast and never let it end 

Fill it with the sounds of feet; 

Let them live without each other,

But never quite want to 

Pill Poppers 

For a moment, I would like for
The mountains to stop shifting
And for the sea to be at peace
For I need to be the roaring waves

For a second in an infinite period
Of overwhelming time, I would like
To be inundated by the poison
Rushing through my veins and
The catastrophic end to my means

For a trajectory, I would like to
Be a monster in the sea, one with
No way back to the comfort of shore,
To be a tumbleweed lost in the breeze

But instead I am the grace of my words
About this disease that makes you
Blind to everything you have ever seen,
A poster child for sand plugged eyes
For a moment, I would like to be
Allowed to take pills that paint
My sky in shades of gold and slick
My silver streets with cold strewn rain


You fell into the world the same way

You roamed into my hands, in quicksand

-And now I’m beginning to understand

Why they break bones to heal them today

Your words make my stomach feel

Like it’s twisting into knots of industrial

Sized rope, like my aorta is dropping

Seven stories into a place it shouldn’t be real

Not speaking to you lets me forget

The words you said but never meant

-The way your letters never sent

And your scars strolled into my heart

But not how your name fell into my lap

Churning and blowing winds on my life map

When I knew there was no place for me,

If there was room for you and I,

I let it happen, I was too much of mine

Floor Wired Goodbyes 

I am worried about holding my own hands

When the end of the day has rushed by

And they tell me there’s nothing left to try

I could swallow roses with thorns if you

Thought it would make me sweet enough

To live ten years more

I will be buried in a coffin; full of flowers

I had picked for my wedding day,

Only the pinkest of hues and peonies

People will be intoxicated by the scent

Of screaming flowers when I go, but I’ll

Be laying there with thorns in my throat

The race tracks will be filled, and I

Will be in a constant state of struck worry

About when my kidneys will split

Open or my liver will erupt, leaving a

Long trail of my secrets to tell

I am startled by the idea of leaving

Before I have a chance to wait for

The scores to come, the same way

Someone who wasn’t dying would

Be The Same

September leaves do not forgive

And neither do I; they crash to

The ground with the intent to rise.

Only, the fallen lay low until picked

Up again and the dead remain skinned-

Until the benefactors come around again

You promised to let me lay my days

Into your palms like you were a sponge

And I was the rushing waters below the sun,

Only your hands froze before I became a storm 

September boots crunching the ground;

That’s the feeling I get from leaving you-

With clipped wings and scornful hatred

Smoldering in once glistening eyes 

When I was nothing but recycled 

Thoughts and old promises on repeat 

You were to love me like I wasn’t blue 

Only the battered person could never shine anew 

Maybe that’s why they call it fall

Too many broken leaves and people

Stumbling to the ground and not

Enough people to pick them up 

Left In Pieces 

The creaking sounds emanating

From the crevices in my bones

Are the same as those coming

From the ships carrying them home;

A land where no one was sought 

Only consumed by death and glut 

The slow swaying of my wrists 

Attempting to hold your lies like bliss

Is like the whining call of the trees in

Forests I used to want to dance with; 

An array of misunderstood greens

Losing their color in fall’s gleam

The yearning portion in my eyes 

Is a slice of the moon given rise,

Hurling to the earth with no more

Than a hundred years to soar; 

A personally branded cure for

People who take my hand evermore